Thursday, January 11, 2007

Archeologists uncover 3500 year old blog entry! - Exodus 'proof'?

Archeologists report that a recently unearthed 3500 year old papyrus may be the first blog entry in history. “True, the medium is different,” said Professor Nowitt All, “But the essential flavor of random rantings on various topics is easily recognizable as the same as our modern equivalent.” Although some were quick to see in the posting's reference to Hebrews and slavery a corroboration of the Biblical story of the Exodus, the Professor dismisses such claims as those of fundamentalists biased by their beliefs. The Professor claims the papyrus describes the appalling work conditions of an ancient brewer of beer – He Brew – not the Biblical Jews. “Since we know the Bible cannot be literally true”, explained the Professor, “There cannot exist evidence to substantiate its historical narrative, therefore the only objective reading of the text possible is a reference to a brewery.”
The text reads:

…can’t believe you buy this Moses fellow. Look, the Canaanites have gods, the Hittites have gods, everyone around us has kooky gods, but no rational person
believes any of that stuff. I mean, we literally have the technology to lift tons of rock off the ground – I bet thousands of years from now they will wonder how we built those pyramids – we have advances in medicine, math, science, and you guys want to keep the beliefs of the desert age. It’s rational thought that got us those advances, not belief. This Moses does parlor tricks, but where is the evidence? I know he is selling a great story describing our national history that makes everyone feel good, but how does anyone know that stuff is true and not fiction? The fact that not a single pot shard has ever been found that says "Abraham" on it and none of our Egyptian histories mention the guy even though he supposedly visited here doesn't inspire me with confidence. I know the 'proof’ of religious traditions being handed down directly from your great-great grandfathers, but remember, your great-great-great was supposedly Terach, an idol worshipper, and you abandoned that tradition! I know, how could our parents and grandparents lie to us, but the Canaanite and Hittite children say the same thing to justify their belief handed down from their parents– how does anyone know which version is right? The Ephraimites who tried to flee years ago also believed G-d would redeem them, and they ended up perishing in the desert - so much for unjustified belief. We all need myths to sustain us and make a life of hard work meaningful, but don’t confuse myth with reality! I like myths also, especially that Sabbath idea that gets us a day off, but it’s the practice that I enjoy, the -proxy, not the silly –doxy, the beliefs that no one can substantiate. And speaking of work, it seems that Moses bringing up this whole religion thing has just made things worse. No straw, yet we are supposed to make bricks. What kind of benevolent deity would do that to his beloved people, raising everyone’s hopes and then just lowering the boom with more slavery? Just look at the trouble the silly fundamentalists have caused us. Do you think G-d would purposely create a situation where the evidence in front of our eyes - more work, no straw - contradicts the very belief that he wants us to have? Is that a fair test? I t sk t [rest of text is garbled]

Scholars are still working to decipher the remainder of this ancient text.

(Note: Even though this is a montage of different ideas "out there" in various places, I hesitated to post it because of the risk of someone taking personal offense, and my bouncing it off someone else has only slightly reduced my qualms. Parody obviously carries with it more sting than a straight post, but I don't take intellectual disagreement as a license to personally offend anyone. If anyone feels slighted I ask that you anonymously comment [which I will get faster than if you email me during the day] and I will withdraw the post. You may take this as an apology in advance)

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